River's Dinner Countdown
by Tonyahuqt03
Summary: A little story about River's favorite time of the day, dinner time.


River stared up at the ceiling in her room. She was painting with her mind the Sistine Chapel on the ceiling. She was about to finish her favorite part when her stomach growled. It was almost dinner time. Dinner was River's favorite time of the day. Not so much because she was hungry, but because she knew that everyone would be there. And for five minutes, 300 seconds, 300,000 milliseconds, 300,000,000 microseconds, 300,000,000,000 nanoseconds everyone on Serenity would be getting along. That was always until Jayne said something dumb, the captain called Inara a whore, Simon would say something to upset Kaylee, Wash made a sarcastic remark, Zoë not really saying much of anything, and Shepherd Book would always be the one to bring order back to the table. Despite his hair River thought he had calmness about him that she liked and feared at the same time.

Everyday before River would go to dinner she imagine different scenarios of what would happen at dinner. River would go play by play each scenario in her head. She even did it in her crewmates voices.

Simon was helping Kaylee cook dinner. She handed him some veggies to cut up. She smiled when Simon gentled brushed her hands as she handed him the veggies. Simon just gave her a nervous grin. In her normal cheerful voice, "Let's play truth or dare."

Simon looked a bit uneasy. "Truth or dare…I don't know."

"Oh, stop being such a fuddy duddy." Kaylee playfully threw some food at Simon. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth, I guess." Simon took a deep breath.

Kaylee turns around and faces him and smiles, "Name three things that you like about me."

Simon's face turned three shades of red. He was totally caught off guard.

"Hmm…let me think…I like your…" Simon paused for a moment. He didn't want to say anything wrong. He graduated top 3 of his class, a genius some called him, but for the life of him he couldn't think of three things he liked about Kaylee. "I like…I like your…you have nice…"

Kaylee was growing impatient. She could list thousands of things that she liked about Simon without even thinking about it.

"You smell…you don't stink."

"I don't stink…" Kaylee makes a sour face. "That's the first thing that you could think of? I don't stink."

Simon is dumbfounded. "Kaylee I didn't mean that…I…"

"So what do you mean?" Kaylee's cheerfulness has dropped from a 10 to 1.

"I mean…you would think that you might stink, because you're always in the engine room. And it's hot back there and you would be sweating. And when people sweat they tend to…" Simon looked at Kaylee's face. She wasn't happy.

Shaking her head, "I don't believe you." Kaylee storms out the room. As she is leaving she bumps into Jayne. "Move you big ape."

Jayne sounding offended, "What did I do?" He strolls into the kitchen. Simon is standing over the stove with a stupid look on his face. "What bit Kaylee in her rear?" Jayne asks Simon as he walks over to the stove. Simon just looks at him. Jayne smells the pot that is over the stove. He sticks his finger in it and tastes it. Simon just looks at him with disgust. "Taste like hippo fart. What you put in this?"

"Why would you know what hippo fart taste like?" Simon thinks for a moment. "Wait! Don't answer that."

Jayne is about to respond, but Mal and Inara come into the kitchen arguing about something.

"I know that you got yourself an very important appointment in someone's pants…" Mal walks over to the stove and grabs a spoon. He samples what is in the pot. He quickly spits it out over the sink. "Tyen shiao duh that the hell is this stuff?"

"Doc made it." Jayne points at Simon.

Simon gives Jayne his are you kidding me look. "What are you five?"

Mal goes into one of the cabinets behind him and takes out some spices.

"Mal." Inara yells sounding a bit irritated. "When I make my appointments I would like to be in the position to keep them."

Mal shakes in some spices into the pot. He tastes it again. He makes a face. "It ain't like I'm meaning to keep you from your um…" Mal clears his throat and gives Inara a puzzled look "I'm sorry what do you do again?" He gives her a devilish grin, but Inara is not amused.

"Sometimes I think that you are trying to keep me from my work."

Mal's face changes. "Oh, juh jen sh guh kwai luh duh jean-jan and why would I keep you from your whoring?"

"That didn't take long." Inara is at her breaking point. "If you can't keep your promises Mal, then we are going to have to renegotiate things."

Kaylee comes back into the kitchen. Her face drops. "Renegotiate things…" Kaylee looks at Inara. "You're leaving…"

Inara gives Kaylee and comforting look, "Mei Mei…it's just…"

Mal interrupts her, "We can renegotiate things right here and now…"

"Captain." Kaylee cried out to Mal. His heart almost broke. He hated seeing Kaylee upset.

"Awe Mal look what you did. Ya made Kaylee cry. Good going. You and the Doc should start a guys who like to make Kaylee cry club." Jayne added in.

Mal cuts a look at Jayne and then at Simon. "You made my engineer cry?"

"I didn't mean too…it's just." Simon was on the defense.

"He didn't mean anything by it Captain. Seeing how he got a big monkey wrench up his pee-goo."

Simon looked offended. "Kaylee I didn't mean it…the way it sounded."

Kaylee just rolled her eyes.

"Seems like he's not the only one." Inara said as she looked at Mal.

"I got a monkey wrench up my pee-goo?" Mal turns around to see if there is something on his bottom. "Jayne…is there a wrench?"

Jayne looks disgusted. "I ain't looking there."

"Mal do not try to get out of this."

"'Nara I recall you changing the subject talking about wrenches being up people's pee-goo. Not me."

"Can we please stop talking about pee-goo before we eat?" Simon chimed in. Kaylee just rolled her eyes.

"Can you please go away before we eat?" Jayne asked as sweetly as possible.

"Jayne." Kaylee said coming to Simon's defense. "That ain't nice."

Jayne just gave Kaylee a what did I do look.

Wash and Zoë made their way into the kitchen. Wash was trailing behind Zoë. They both looked pissed. "We can talk about it later Wash." Zoë said as she sat down at the table. Wash sat right beside her.

"Later is when exactly? Later when you're on a job or when I gotta fly us out in a hurry, because a job went bad?" he pauses a moment and looks dead into her eyes. Zoë just rubs her temples. "Oh I know when later is. Later is when you get shot and you're lying on Simon's infirmary bed. Because that's the only time you slow down snuggle bunny."

Zoë turns and looks at him. Mal stops eyeing Inara down and looks at his first mate.

"You two alright?" Mal asks sounding a bit concerned. He hated when they fought.

"Yes sir." Zoë said in her monotone I don't want to talk about it right now voice, that only Mal picked up on.

"No, Mal everything isn't alright." Wash gets up and walks over to Simon. "I think that you should examine Zoë."

"Zoë you sick?" Mal sounds concerned. The only thing he hates more than an upset Companion, a love sick engineer, a stupid mercenary, a crazy girl, a stuck up doctor, a not so funny pilot and praying preacher, was a sick Zoë.

"I'm fine."

"Still Zoë if your not feeling well maybe the doctor should check you out better safe than sorry." Inara said.

"I'm fine really."

"No your not. She's been irritable…"

"When's that out of the ordinary?" Jayne chimed in. Wash just ignores him.

"She's been irritable…tired…she hasn't been eating…"

Kaylee looked horrified. The mere idea of Zoë being sick upset her to no end. Zoë was the strongest and scariest woman Kaylee knew. "Nara's right Zo, you should let Simon check you over. Can't hurt none."

Zoë just sat there rubbing her temples.

Simon walks over to Zoë he puts on his doctor face. "Zoë if you haven't been feeling well…maybe I should take a look."

"I'm fine."

"No, your not, Zoë. Let the doctor check you over." Wash sounds worried.

"Zoë, Wash's right. Let the doc check you over." Mal said as he made his way to his first mate.

"See. Now Mal's said it so you have to do it." Wash said as he looks at his wife.

"What's the hell is that suppose to mean?"

"It means what it means Mal. Zoë won't listen to me, her husband. But she'll listen to you."

"I'm the captain."

"So, I'm the husband."

Shepherd Book comes in holding his Bible. He's a little perplexed to why there is shouting going on.

"Is everything ok?" Book asks. He looks around the room.

"No." Kaylee says. "Maybe you can talk to Zoë…"

"And to Simon about having a stick up his pee-goo." Jayne says. He hasn't reached his daily fix of pissing off the prissy doctor yet.

Simon cuts his eyes at Jayne. "I'm amazed at how you can walk upright you Homo habilis."

"I ain't gay. I like women well enough. Where's that crazy sis of yours…"

Simon jumped out of his sit and was heading towards Jayne.

"Simon!" Kaylee screamed.

Shepherd Book stepped in front of Simon.

"Let me by Shepherd." Simon's face was full of rage.

"Calm down son." Book said in his calming way. "Fighting won't solve anything."

"It will for me. Cut him loose Shepherd." Jayne pulls out his knife. "Let's see what the pretty boy got."

Simon struggles to get away from Book.

"Shepherd's right Doc. Fighting won't solve anything. Beside Jayne would probably hurt you something fierce…"

"Ain't no probably…" Jayne hops over the stove.

"Mal do something." Inara cried. Mal just looked at her.

Somehow Simon breaks loose from the Shepherd and manages to sucker punch Jayne.

"Gorramit, he hit me." Jayne wipes off the blood on his lip. "I'mma gonna get me an ear." Jayne lunges towards Simon.

"Jayne don't kill the doctor. Mal don't let Jayne kill the doctor. At least not until he checks over Zoë." Wash said as he scooted out the way of the men who where trying to kill each other.

"Mal!" Inara sounded a bit forceful.

"Captain!" Kaylee was at the brink of tears.

"What!" Mal yelled he was trying his hardest to hold back Jayne, but the big ape was strong as hell. "Shepherd help me out here." Book was having a hard time also holding back the doctor.

Quietly Zoë spoke up. "I'm pregnant." Everyone stopped.

Mal looked her. "You're what?"

Kaylee look like she was going to burst out rainbows. "You and Wash are going to have a baby!"

Inara stood there a bit shocked, but happy. "That's wonderful."

Jayne stopped swarming. "I ain't splitting my cut with no ruttin baby."

Shepherd as calm as every. "A new life."

Simon going into doctor mode. "How late are you?"

There is a thud as Wash hits the floor.

"Mei-mei it's time for dinner." Simon said as he knocked on River's door.

He had broken her from her thoughts. River studied Simon's face as they walked into the kitchen. Everyone was already in the kitchen when they got there. Everyone was happy as clams. River sat at the table. Dinner was her favorite time of the day. Not so much because she was hungry, but because she knew that everyone would be there. And for 5 minutes, 300 seconds, 300,000 milliseconds, 300,000,000 microseconds, 300,000,000,000 nanoseconds everyone on Serenity would be getting along. That was always until Jayne said something dumb, the captain called Inara a whore, Simon would say something to upset Kaylee, Wash made a sarcastic remark, Zoë not really saying much of anything, and Shepherd Book would always be the one to bring order back to the table.

"One…two…three…four…"

"What's she ruttin counting for?" Jayne asked looking at River funny.

"She counting the number of brain cells you loose a minute." Wash says joking.

"Five…six…"

"No she's counting the number of hot dates Inara has lined up." Mal said.

"She counting the number of times that your not funny." Inara said smiling at Mal.

"Seven…eight…nine….ten…"

"Maybe she just like to count. Counting can be fun." Kaylee said with a smile.

Zoë just sits there rubbing her temples.

"I think we should eat now." Shepherd says as he bows his head.

"Eleven…twelve….thirteen…"

"River why don't you count to yourself." Simons says to her.

"Fourteen…fifth teen…sixteen…


End file.
